DUMB OLD RAY
…WORKED AT THE O.K. GAS STATION AND BEER CAVE.
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DUMB OLD RAY WAS NOT A FRIENDLY GUY AT ALL (IN FACT HE SEEMED DEEPLY TROUBLED FOR SOME REASON) AND HE MADE MOST OF THE CUSTOMERS WHO CAME INTO THE O.K. GAS STATION AND BEER CAVE NERVOUS WHILE THEY SHOPPED FOR THEIR BEER AND CIGGERETTS.
MOST OF THE CUSTOMERS AT THE O.K. GAS STATION AND BEER CAVE BELIVED WITH ALL OF THEIR HEARTS THAT DUMB OLD RAY WAS AS CRAZY AS A SHIT-HOUSE RAT.
WHICH MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRUE.
THERE WAS ONE NIGHT, A YEAR OR SO BEFORE THE BEGINING OF THE STORY, THAT DUMB OLD RAY SHOT AN ARMED ROBBER FULL OF HOLES, THEN WENT RIGHT BACK TO MAKING ICE BAGS UNTIL THE OAKDALE POLICE ARRIVED.
REST IN PEACE.
DUMB-ASS.
PETE JENSEN, THE OWNER OF THE O.K. GAS STATION AND BEER CAVE, LIKED HAVING DUMB OLD RAY ON THE EVENING SHIFT.
SHOPLIFTING WAS WAY DOWN, TROUBLEMAKERS STAYED AWAY, AND NOBODY EVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT PULLING A GAS AND GO WHEN DUMB OLD RAY WAS IN CHARGE.
WHEN HE FIRST CAME TO TOWN, DUMB OLD RAY WAS A HOBO WITH A SECRET PAST.
DUMB OLD RAY JUST HAPPENED TO CROSS PATHS WITH FAT TED, WHEN FAT TED WAS FEELING RATHER GREGARIOUS AND GENEROUS.
FAT TED SOLD DUMB OLD RAY A TAXI-CAB BUISNESS ON A KIND OF “FRONT YOU” KIND OF DEAL WHERE HE, FAT TED, COULD ALWAYS REPOSSESS IF THE TAXI-CAB BUISNESS DID NOT GET PAID FOR.
IT WAS ALL KIND OF A JOKE TO FAT TED (PLUS AN INSULT TO A SERIOUS INVESTOR) SELLING A GOING CONCERN TO A HOBO.
DUMB OLD RAY DEDICATED HIMSELF TO MAKING HIS TAXI-CAB BUSINESS WORK, AND WORK IT DID.
DUMB OLD RAY PAID OFF ALL TWENTY-SIX TAXI-CABS IN ONLY SIX WEEKS, AND AFTER THAT DUMB OLD RAY BECAME A RITCH YUPPY FUCK.
ALWAYS AT WORK.
ALWAYS TALKING ON A CELL PHONE.
ALWAYS IN A HURRY.
THEN STARBUCKS OPENED WHAT WAS TO BECOME, WITHOUT A DOUBT, IT`S MOST FAMOUS AND POPULAR LOCATION, AT THIRD AND OAK IN OAKDALE.
AS THERE WERE NO TRAINED BARISTTAS IN OAKDALE, STARBUCKS TRANSFERRED IN BARISTTAS FROM SEATTLE TO HELP GET THINGS ROLLING SMOOTHLY.
STARBUCKS IS WHERE DUMB OLD RAY MET SUSAN THE COFFEE GIRL.
DUMB OLD RAY AND SUSAN THE COFFEE GIRL BECAME INSTANT “BEST FRIENDS”, THAT FRIENDSHIP QUICKLY FANNED INTO FLAME, AND FROM THERE INTO A VERY HOT FIRE INDEED.
SUCH IS THE WAY WHEN TRUE-HEARTS FIND ONE ANOTHER.
DUMB OLD RAY BOUGHT A CORPORATE JET SO THAT HE AND SUSAN THE COFFE GIRL COULD FLY OFF TO EXOTIC PLACES EVERY EVENING AFTER THEY HAD GOTTEN OFF WORK.
DUMB OLD RAY AND SUSAN THE COFFEE GIRL WERE AMONG THE FIRST TO DISCOVER VENESUELA AS A TOURIST DESTINATION.
NO-BODY WOULD BELIVE THAT THEY HAD ACTUALLY BEEN INSIDE OF THE ZETA-RETICULIAN EMBASSY IN MARICABO.
ONE NIGHT, WHILE OUR LOVE-BIRDS WERE VISITING IN SEATLE, SUSAN THE COFFEE GIRL WAS RUN OVER BY AN AMBULANCE (WHICH WAS ON IT`S WAY TO A REPORTED MAGIC PIXIE DUST OVERDOSE IN AN ALLEY-A JANE DOE), AND WAS (APPARENTLY PERMANTLY) IN A VERY DEEP COMA.
HE LAID OFF ALL OF HIS EMPLOYEES, INCLUDING HIS PILOT; PHIL; AND TOOK TO DRINKING HEAVILY.
TO FORGET.
MOSTLY, HE WAS QUITE SUCCESSFUL IN FORGETTING SUSAN, THE TAXI-CAB BUISNESS, AND HIS CORPORATE JET ALL FUELED UP AND READY OUT AT THE OAKDALE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT (WHICH HAS THE ONLY FIFTY-THOUSAND FOOT RUNWAY IN THE REGION).
ON THE EVENING FOLLOWING THE NATIONAL ATHLETE`S FOOT DAY MASSACRE, A HOBO CAME INTO THE O.K. GAS STATION AND BEER CAVE, FLASHED O.I.A. CREDENTIALS AT HIM, AND DUMB OLD RAY FOUND HIMSELF HANDCUFFED AND WHISKED OFF TO A WAITING BLACK WHILEY-BIRD.
THE OAKDALE INTELIGENCE AGENCY HEADQUARTERS WERE LOCATED IN THE BASEMENT OF THE PARKING STRUCTURE AT THIRD AND OAK.
THIS IS WHERE I AND MOST LOWER LEVEL O.I.A. AGENTS WORKED.
OF COURSE CHRISTIAN JEFFERIES MAINTAINED A SAFE-HOUSE SEVERAL DOORS SOUTH ON THIRD STREET, AND THIS WAS WHERE THEY TOOK DUMB OLD RAY.
CHRISTIAN JEFFERIES WANTED DUMB OLD RAY TO COME TO WORK FOR THE O.I.A. AS HE KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT DUMB OLD RAY`S SECRET PAST WHICH COULD BE USEFUL.
AFTER INTENSIVE INTEROGATION, DUMB OLD RAY`S SHOES AND SOCKS WERE REMOVED, AND A LAB TECHNITION SCRAPED A FUNGUS OFF OF HIS FEET.
THIS FUNGUS WAS WHAT CHRISTIAN JEFFERIES USED TO INFECT THE SHIPMENT OF OSTRICH SHIT.
AFTERWARD, DUMB OLD RAY WAS PLACED INTO A WINDOWLESS CELL, ON SUSPICIAN OF.
OR SOMETHING.
PETE JENSEN, OWNER OF THE O.K. GAS STATION AND BEER CAVE, FILED A MISSING PERSONS REPORT BUT NOTHING MUCH EVER CAME OF IT.
OFFICER MIKE DUGAN OF THE OAKDALE POLICE DEPARTMENT WAS OF THE OPINION THAT DUMB OLD RAY HAD FALLEN OFF OF THE WAGON AND HOPPED A FREIGHT.
STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.
SUSAN THE COFFEE GIRL WAS IN A COMA.
DUMB OLD RAY WAS IN A WINDOWLESS CELL IN AN O.I.A. SAFE-HOUSE.
THE OAKDALE POLICE WERE MYSTIFIED.
THE OAKDALE BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION HAS TWENTY-THREE GALLONS OF EXPLODED ZETA-RETICULIAN, SOME SALT, AND NO CLUES IN AN ABANDONED THIMBLE WHAREHOUSE.
THE OAKDALE INTELLIGENCE AGENCY WAS PULLING ALL OF THE STRINGS.
READ ON…
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